MONTY: Mal, why you got a piece trained on my wife?
MAL: She ain't your wife, Monty.
MONTY: Hunh? I married 'er, didn't I?
MAL: Yeah, so did...

MONTY: Now what the hell is goin' on here? Whaddya mean she ain't my wife?
MAL: She ain't your wife... cause she's married to me.
SAFFRON: Don't listen to him!
MAL: It's true. Half-a-year back, out at the Triumph Settlement. Didn't call herself "Bridgit" then. It was "Saffron." Hitched me by surprise, got on my ship, and tried to steal it out from under me... She's as cold as ice and dead crazy on top of it.
SAFFRON: You're a liar, Malcolm Reynolds!
MONTY: Oh, he's a lot of things. But a liar he ain't. All the terrible thick we been through, he ain't never lied to me, not even once. And I never got to telling you his name.
SAFFRON: Oh, hell. Fine. Be like that.

SAFFRON: You can't just leave me here, on this lifeless piece of crap moon...
MAL: Sure I can.
SAFFRON: I'll die.
MAL: Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.

MAL: Okay, what's the game?
INARA: I offered you tea.
MAL: After inviting me into your shuttle of your own free will, which makes two events without precedent and which makes me more'n a little skittish.
INARA: Honestly, Mal, if we can't be civilized and talk like...
MAL: I'm plenty civilized. You're using wiles on me.
INARA: I'm using what?
MAL: Your feminine wiles. Your companion training, your some-might-say uncanny ability to make a man sweaty and/or compliant, of which I have had just about enough today.

INARA: Right. You're a criminal mastermind. What was the last cargo we snuck past the Alliance to transport?
MAL: We made a perfectly good piece...
INARA: What was the cargo?
MAL: They were dolls!
INARA: They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!
MAL: People love those!
INARA: And what exactly was our net profit on the famous wobbly-headed doll caper?
MAL: "Our" cut? You're in the gang now?
INARA: Well, since I can't seem to find work as companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!

RIVER: She's a liar and no good will come of her.
JAYNE: Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
RIVER: Jayne is a girl's name.
JAYNE: Well Jayne ain't a girl. She starts on that "girl's name" thing, I'm a show her good an' all I got man parts.
SIMON: I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It's just not coming.

DURRAN: Six years...
SAFFRON: Is that all?
DURRAN: From the day we found your shuttle...
SAFFRON: They set on me at Parth, these awful men...
MAL: That wasn't me, though. I don't know those men...
SAFFRON: They said they wanted ransom, but they... they sold me... to slavers...
MAL: Also unknown to me...

DURRAN: How long have you been with him?
MAL: Oh we're not together.
SAFFRON: He's my husband.
MAL: Well who in the damn galaxy isn't?

MAL: That must've been tough.
SAFFRON: Yeah, have yourself a great guffaw.
MAL: I mean it. Six years, you knew he was holding such treasures, you didn't move on him. I gotta figure that's a job you told yourself you'd never take. Till times got hard enough, and the one line you hadn't crossed...
SAFFRON: My name's not Yolanda.
MAL: Never entered my mind that it was.
SAFFRON: I tried. I actually tried. I thought, "this is a decent man. The genuine article."
MAL: A working man, struggling to get by with the barest necessities on his private floating island...
SAFFRON: Yeah, he had money. I thought it would help. That if I had everything... I wouldn't want...
MAL: Heinrich the Security Programmer?
SAFFRON: You know, I'd forgotten his name.
MAL: Addressing the itch of curiousness, you marry him too?
SAFFRON: No. I didn't kill him either.
MAL: I don't reckon you've killed many. Just put 'em in a position to die easy.

SAFFRON: You must be loving this.
MAL: Little bit. I seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I'd see you naked.
SAFFRON: Can people ever change?
MAL: Depends on the person. I'm guessing the pain of this fades away, you'll just go back to being what you are.
SAFFRON: What is that?
MAL: A brilliant, beautiful, evil double crossing snake. Cheer up, weepy, you've earned yourself a boatload of hard cash today. You can question the meaning of life on a floaty island of your own for a while.
SAFFRON: You won't tell anyone about me breaking down?
MAL: I won't.
SAFFRON: Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your holster.
MAL: I take that as a kindness.

MAL: You got me at barrel's end, who am I to argue. What's your move?
SAFFRON: We'll be settling down in the desert. Leave you to set a spell. Oh, and speaking of naked...
MAL: No, now that's just low.

INARA: Looking for this?
INARA: Wonder if it works?
INARA: Ah-well. Still worth a fortune. Anyway, this one works fine. Honey, you look horrific.
SAFFRON: What are you doing here?
INARA: Oh. Just my part of the job.
SAFFRON: What part of the job?
INARA: You know, I put on this big act and storm away in a huff, then I fly off, wait for you to doublecross Mal, beat you to the rendezvous spot and grab the loot before you can get to it. What, you didn't see it coming?
INARA: Uh-uh. You know, I'm a little disappointed. Some of the crew's performances weren't quite as nuanced as they could have been. I thought they might tip the fact that we were playing you from the second Mal took you out of that crate. Oh, well. Guess not.

SIMON: How much did they offer you to sell me and River on Ariel?
JAYNE: Das crazy talk.
SIMON: Then let's talk crazy. How much.
JAYNE: Is anybody there?
JAYNE: Anybody else?
SIMON: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are, you'll be under my knife again. Often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly. No matter what you do, or say, or plot... no matter how you come down on us I will never ever harm you. You're on this table you're safe. I'm your medic, and however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies and more than enough of both. Now we could circle each other and growl, both sleep with one eye open but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done. I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same, cause I don't see this working any other way.
RIVER: Also, I can kill you with my brain.

MAL: Yep... that went well.
INARA: You call this "going well"?
MAL: We got the loot, didn't we?
INARA: Yes, but...
MAL: Then I call it a win. What's the problem?
INARA: Should I start with the part where you're stranded in the middle of nowhere, or the part where you have no clothes?
MAL: All according to plan.
INARA: Really? I thought the plan was for me to act as a failsafe in case everything else went wrong. Like, for instance, if Saffron disabled Serenity and left you for dead.
MAL: Nonsense. You had a key role to play in this. How sad would you have been if you hadn't gotten to play it?
INARA: Heartbroken.
MAL: See? All according to plan.